Dear Friends,
I’ve been wanting to share this news for some time. For various reasons I held off but I think now is the right time. Before you continue be assured that I am now fine and things are all good. You may (probably not) have noticed my lack of stuff being posted on my website, social media etc. Here’s why…
Last summer (2019) I was in treatment for breast cancer. I had come back from a week away working on beautiful Lundy Island off the Devon coast in June when I noticed a small lump. After fretting for a week or so I thought I’d better get it checked out. A few trips to the doctors, with various gigs in between, by early July it was diagnosed as cancer. As shocking and terrifying as it is to be given this diagnosis it turned out there were several things in my favour; firstly, it was at stage 1 (very early stage), secondly at approx 15mm it was ‘quite small’, thirdly the type of cancer it was (HR2) means it feeds on oestrogen so lowering oestrogen in my body as part of the treatment is yet another angle to tackle it, as was radiotherapy in my case (not chemo). In so many ways I have been so lucky. Lucky to have the singularly astounding NHS. Lucky that I then managed to knock 3 weeks off the wait for my operation, poetically called a lumpectomy, as there happened to be a cancellation. Lucky that due to its size I could even have a lumpectomy and not need full mastectomy (though if I had it’s all doable and preferable to most alternatives). Until the operation there was no knowing as to whether there was any spread as its during the operation they remove and test lymph nodes, situated under the armpit, to check for spread of cancer.
The wait to have the operation was undoubtedly one of the hardest, darkest and maddest few weeks of my life. I couldn’t concentrate on anything. Music was the last thing I could think about and sadly I had to cancel a few once in a blue moon performance opportunities which had come in. I frantically got things ready round the house for when I would be recuperating and weirdly did loads of ironing. Like ALL the ironing. I never iron, well rarely. During this wait most nights I couldn’t sleep and most days I couldn’t eat. Although I wanted to tell lots of friends and colleagues I couldn’t because I hadn’t felt able to tell my daughter, who’d just turned 16, and just had a really really stressful year doing her GCSE exams. I just didn’t want to lay all that on her at such a tender age if I didn’t have to, so I decided to not go public until I could share the whole story with her. She knew I was having a lump removed but not that it was cancer. In a way not telling her made it easier as I had to keep things contained perhaps more than I would have otherwise, I don’t know if thats good or not, its how it was. She know’s now and is fine about it. There was another way in which I was hugely lucky and that is that I had my partner, Gerry, who really did look after me in those first few months from diagnoses to recovery. Thank you x
On 26 July 2019 I went in for the op, they removed 3 lymph nodes which all tested negative for cancer, thankfully. My surgeon was really pleased with what they removed and how things went. For me it felt as if a massive, all encompassing, horrendous, darkest of clouds was removed from my world. I then had 6 weeks recovery before embarking on the next phase of treatment - 3 weeks of daily radiotherapy at the Royal Marsden, Sutton. This was a pretty amazing place once I got over the initial realisation that yes I’m having cancer treatment here. The fact that there were hundreds of others, of all ages and differing stages of illness milling around and just dealing with it was strangely reassuring. The Royal Marsden have 6 or more radiograph machines/teams all named after trees. I had recently planted a beautiful little rowan tree in my garden, part of its mythology (I LOVE tree/plant mythology & folklore) being that it was a guardian against evil spirits, not that I particularly felt we needed guarding against evil spirits. Anyway, the name of the team/machine I was allocated to? Rowan! A beautiful and meaningful co-incidence, to me anyway.
I was sore after the surgery and sore again after the radiotherapy which is completely normal. It’s been just over a year now since the op and my arm still has twinges and I’m not totally healed but have come a long long way towards it. I had my first mammogram since the operation this month and it is clear of anything untoward which is obviously great news. Each day really is a blessing and I now really look forward to moving into this autumn being able to get back to some sort of normal service, Covid 19 notwithstanding of course.
In terms of music things have been a little thin but…
In early autumn last year I was able to write and record a piece of music for this quite magical BBC Radio 4 programme https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m000b6sm on the sounds trees make. My piece is called Psithurism - you can find it here https://lisaknapp.bandcamp.com/track/psithurism.
Last October Gerry and I ventured over to Ireland to do a little gig in Galway organised by the late Mary MacPartlan, a beautiful singer, dramatist and educator with whom I had the privilege to perform only last year and who sadly died this spring, RIP lovely Mary. I performed a small Christmassy set at St Mary Magdalen, Little Venice in November which was a delightful new venue. I also had a spot at the Rough Trade Winter Solstice gig in December with Stick In The Wheel et al. I managed to get back to my regular fiddle teaching work and was looking forward to some spring/summer gigs this year (as were we all I guess) but really it’s only these last few months I’ve really felt more myself in terms of vitality. Of course there was the amazing Folk on Foot Festival in April 2020 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=12&v=-Bt748vylnU&feature=emb_logo) and livestream gig G & I did a few months back. We’re hoping to do another soon and I’ll try and post it with the correct weblink this time. (Ha!)
I’m genuinely grateful for your time in reading this and hugely appreciate your support in my endeavours, thank you thank you thank you.
Please look after yourselves and those around you.
Bye for now and lots of love…
Lisa xxx